I didn’t have much time this morning to write because I had to leave for Tahoe pretty early.
It was a fairly short day for snowboarding, but we got a lot of practice in at Bear Valley. Our lift tickets were free because of the Snowbomb deal and I found the bunny slopes to be the perfect angle and width for practicing carving. My friend Ying and I were finally able to get a couple of S'es in today. In Japan, I could only do maybe 1 or 2 heel to toe turns at a time, but we were able to practice them a lot today and by the end, could do most of the run without falling or ‘leafing’.
The ride home, however, was the most insightful. Ken was able to keep me alert and engaged by talking about issues of race and subconscious bias towards looking for partners. Homosexual black females across research studies have it to the worst in economic, social, intellectual - all areas of life. Women get overlooked, paid less, and interviewed less even when the resume is exactly the same and only the name has been changed. More American names are also prized over ethnic names. The straight, White male is unsurprisingly at the top of every food chain.
It’s interesting to note that Asian female are considered to be the most attractive demographic across the board. Short Asian males, on the other hand, have it pretty tough because of how the media portrays them (weak, feminine, and scrawny) and how important height is to people. To many, height is equivalent of confidence and success, but that isn’t necessarily true at all. Confidence, he says, is having nothing to hide - not even all your insecurities and flaws - and owning up to who you are as a person. That’s a very different definition of what confidence means to a majority of people. I do agree that true confidence at your core starts with really understanding and accepting yourself. As long as you are always striving to improve yourself, more confidence will come. But even with all these things, Asian males and especially short ones, have the cards stacked against them.
A lot of times, you may not even be aware of these biases. I was asked: a tall White, scrawny male or a short, but very fit Asian male? What if both men were tall? What if both men were fit?
What about: tall, fit White male or a tall, fit Asian male with a better personality?
You would think the answer was obvious. That race didn’t matter. But subconsciously, something must’ve crossed my mind and I hesitated. I didn’t immediately choose the Asian guy who was equal physically and had a better personality and I didn’t know why, consciously. But I think it could have something to do with media portrayals and my childhood and young adult life growing up.
Being Asian-American wasn’t always the easiest hand dealt. Not 'white’ enough to be American. Not 'yellow’ enough to be Asian. Being ashamed of immigrant parents and constantly responsible for bridging cultural gaps. Fighting for Feminism, yet expected to be submissive by your culture. Sometimes being bullied for introducing strange customs or bringing food to school that looks and smells different. Being different in general. And having a stereotype to follow your essence wherever you go. Having your face and appearance define who you were before you even had a chance to open your mouth.
“I can use chopsticks.”
“You look like Nikita the spy. :)”
“You know, I lived in China for a year. You can speak Chinese, right?”
“Konnichiwa”
“Why do you speak English so well?”
“How did you come to America?”
It’s tiring being objectified and fetishized at every turn and corner of bars around the world. Yet, I have to think of the alternative - the plight of the Asian male. While I am considered a part of the most attractive demographic, make me a male and all of a sudden I find myself at the bottom.
I’m not saying we all need to go out and make a multiracial relationship tomorrow. I’m not saying we should all date short (and tall) Asian dudes. I’m not even saying that my life as an Asian-American was particularly hard or that we all need to be completely, politically correct. Because every race and every demographic has its qualms and specific issues they deal with. Every group of people will face discrimination, subconscious or not.
I’m saying we should understand that the media has power and has affected our biases, whether we know it or not. We should try to understand where we stand in the world, how we are seen as a group of a people and try to dispel these notions and spread more open-mindedness. We should give chances and second chances to people to refute stereotypes.
I’m still working on accepting my race and culture as part of who I am and accepting the prejudice that comes with it..
But the next time someone asks me out, I’ll be sure to stop and think twice about my preconceived notions about who they are based on what they look like. Whether they’re Asian, Black, Latino, White, Green, Blue.. I’m going to give them a chance to tell me who they really are, and not what society has dictated.
Come at me, bruh!