Many people play the game. Almost everyone, actually. The game of cat and mouse, except the roles switch continuously and the animals all have smart phones and apps.

I don’t really like the game.

I don’t like it because of all the crazy things it makes you feel and the inevitable roller coaster ride of emotions. Always questioning where my seat is or how many loops I’ll go through before I get sick or the ride stops, if ever. I don’t like the game because it’s dishonest and unclear and isn’t a good reflection of what kind of person someone is past the surface level. Some people can just kill it at the game even when they fail as good people and at life. And some people who are wonderful and deserve everything, fail at the game and don’t have the opportunity to showcase their goodness.

I especially dislike the game because of how much it invades my thoughts.

I’m not a sentimental, lovey-dovey person by any means. PDA makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t like airing my dirty laundry out on social media. I just don’t think about silly things like that and when I do have issues about it, I don’t let it ruin my life. That’s why I dislike how conflicted and hypocritical I become when I get caught in the game. I think of things that aren’t important and I hate that I let it take over, when it’s the absolute last thing I want to care about. Something so insignificant like zipping up my jacket or holding my hand is going to make me think and revel in the motivations all day long.

Even when I should be getting work done or following my schedules and working towards my goals. I think and I think about it. Even when I know it’s stupid and I don’t really even like you anyways.

I get caught.

So maybe I dislike the game because I’m horrible at it. I respond to texts as I get them and I’m honest to a fault about my interests and feelings. I get carried away before I’ve even decided where I’m going and I usually can’t pull the brakes on it. Paradise? Or will I crash and burn?

I can’t play the game.
Let me off this ride.