I haven’t been blogging much lately, although I have a lot to say. Er well, more like many things have happened and self-identity has followed suit.

When I have time, I will be sure to write out everything I’ve been thinking about these past weeks. And though I haven’t been updating much I have, however, been writing a lot of emails and making a lot of video calls. Still have some emails to get around to this week - they really do take a lot of thought, but that’s what makes them more genuine (though letters are even better!). Some nights I spend talking about life & lovers with my Aussie, David. From Game of Thrones to how his girlfriend barely lasts a minute giving hand jobs - we’ve talked about the most random topics. So I reckon my many thoughts have been going every elsewhere.

It’s been a month since I’ve come here to Shanghai for my internship. I had a slow, lonely start this summer without the comfort of my friends. It was a strange feeling to not have internet and to not have my phone ringing or itching to be dialed from. Not to call a boyfriend or send mean texts to my brother. No in-n-out with my late-night buddy or Korean fried chicken with my pothead fox or Chicago pizza with the geezer. Truth be told, despite running away to other countries all the time, the first few nights are always the hardest. If not for the unfamiliarity, for the loneliness. I dislike admitting that because I feel like it is a sign of weakness - that dependence.

Like always, Jolie was right. It didn’t matter that my coworkers were all older than me and had graduated, I was still able to make friends. If I could do anything for this office, I hope that they keep the upbeat atmosphere I wanted to bring with me. I’ve grown to love these people (especially my boss, Steven) and have learned a lot, but sometimes I wonder if I’m missing out on tons of stories back home. That’s the trouble with my love for travelling and experiences, I guess. Sometimes I miss out on important things that can only happen from staying in one place. Like family trips or school reunions. Or getting wasted in a bar with my boys. 

If I were to admit I was scared of something, it would be that I would be alone or worse, forgotten.