So I asked Headley today which was more important: Life Smart or Book Smart? And he once again did not fail to give one of his “wise-old-man” answers. Both. Okay, so both. Can you get both? Yes, and he went on to use running analogies where people are just born faster, but you can work hard to be equal. Okay, cool. I can learn to be Life-smart. How? Experience. Where? Life. Great, that makes a whole lot of sense. I am learning to be life-smart from life. Then when do I use my life-smartS?!

I think I have a secret goal. I want to be perfect. Wow, that sounds insanely stupid. Because perfect people are boring. But, I’m pretty sure I’m not boring. Hopefully. That is probably the reason why I try so hard to be “book-smart”. And the reason why I can’t give up running or art, and especially not working out because I want to be perfect. I want to be good at everything. Have a good body, be artistic, be able to sing, be smart, athletic, interesting. I don’t want to lose.

But there is one thing that I cannot change or better myself in without cheating - pretty. Damn. The cutest thing about being perfect, and you can’t really have it. I don’t want the kind of pretty where make-up makes your face. No. I want the kind of timeless beauty that doesn’t need so much effort. I pour effort into everything else I do, so God should have given me a face that would not need so much work on! But he didn’t. And I hate how I look much better with make-up. Eff that. Let me look like Natalie Portman :) She’s pretty perfect. I want to be like her. Wow, new dream!

People change. No shit, right? I mean freaking look at Mack! Wouldn’t have even turned his way a few years ago. But then, I didn’t really talk to him. I kinda, sorta have a crush on him now! How crazy is that. It’s the effing charisma that people have. I don’t want to like them, but then I can’t help it. Larry and Cam too. God, all the freaking jerks. I remember when we all tried to be tom boys and wouldn’t even look at skirts or tank tops, or make up for that matter. That’s all different now. People who said they wouldn’t wear dresses and be girly girls, are total fruity people. People who said they wouldn’t ever wear make up, pile it on. Nikki might be the only one that hasn’t really changed. But then again, maybe she grew up already. No, I doubt that. She still has growing up to do. She also needs some life-smarts. Not everyone is going to be an angel. But I hope the devils who don’t recycle die off soon. They’re going to make my goal to save the world a lot more difficult.

So what happens when we head off to college? Will I still treasure the same three irreplaceable people? Honestly, I probably won’t. There’s so much of the world to be friends with, to love, that I doubt I will stay close to people I can’t love all the time. I want to see who will stay.

It really sucks when you love your friends, while hating them at the very same time.