Fuck Berkeley.
No I’m just kidding. I don’t hate it here, but I’m not completely in love with it yet. Then again, I’m an extreme optimist and force things to have a silver lining, even if the entire cloud is pitch black. I’ll fucking make a silver lining up.
Despite everything I did throughout my life, I never thought I was busy. I joined three clubs, the red cross yes! team, volunteered regularly at the hospital, juggled two varsity sports for four years, became the mother for my family, and took on every AP class I could fit into my schedule since Sophomore year. I ran alone and took on my team’s responsibilities. My mother left me with my family’s mess to clean up. My sketchbook lay on my desk, dejected and dusty.
To be entirely honest, I did end up feeling overwhelmed Senior year, because I was letting my grades drop and I just didn’t want to work anymore. I was stressing because my GPA fell below the 3.0 unweighted mark. Then I started to feel like I had too much going on for me. I felt like that was the busiest I could possibly be.
Who was I kidding?
That is a joke. Everything I have done up until now is nothing. Organic chemistry after a crammed semester of AP Chemistry? My dorm units government. An internship with a senator. Photography portfolio. Business lessons. My retarded school requires five times the studying for every half hour of class.Study groups. Review sessions. Office hours. Tutoring. For the first time in my life, I spend more time studying and stressing than I do on the track. My tuition practically forces me to work twenty hours a week on top of my “you’re not a fucking doctor” weeder classes.
And running? I have to live with the fact that I’m not only not the best on the team, I can’t even make it. I have to settle for a sport that depends on me to drive to Irvine and back without sleep. I went from driving thirty minute rides to seven hour hells. And yet, stubborn as I am, I still run on that relentless track, the one that won’t let me reclaim my glory. And as everything eats away my time, it’s taking all that I have not to complain. Not to break down. Not to cry. Not to fail.
Where is my silver lining?
I used to think I was busy.
Who the fuck was I kidding?