I should really post more often.
But of course, life always catches up to me to keep me busy. I’m jealous of all you out there who just have heartfelt posts pouring out of you. Maybe I’m running out of heart? Or just time. So I guess it’s time for a little explanation of my sad, non-existent posts.
- I took a 10 unit Japanese class over the summer
- I went to Hawaii for a week with Mack <3
- I was rushing for a panhellenic sorority
- I joined the triathlon team (15 fucking practices a week!)
- I am now a veteran on the club frisbee team
- I am still working at the financial aid office (only 10 hours a week now :)
- I joined a laboratory experiment under my environmental biology professor
- I am on the school’s sustainability team
- I joined two environmental science clubs
- I am now taking five classes, including two four hour laboratory classes
- I live in a house of 4 other hilarious girls who distract me to no end
Those sound like excuses, don’t they? And a little bit of complaint. My schedule is so packed now, I don’t have any time to miss any of my loves! Or to blog the many pictures I have taken over this long summer. The weird thing is, I didn’t think I did so much until I thought about writing a post. I still feel like I could be doing more and more. Maybe it’s the 24-hour resume building environment I am in, but I always have a feeling that I’m not doing enough, that I am not good enough.
I have had time where I was an insecure little bitch, but I don’t think I am really like that. I’d like to think I am overly confident, but that isn’t true either. I may not remember any organic chemistry, but I know that Cal has made me humble. If not for the freaking, crazy students that save the world AND pay for college, then for knowing that there is always something else to do. I’m not in my under confident slump anymore, but I’m not enough of a douche to say that how I live my life is what everyone should be doing.
I want to do so much, but I feel like I am running low on time. Laughable, isn’t it? A mere 18 year old, fretting about time. I guess that was always the problem with my personality - I wanted to do so many things I couldn’t possibly handle. I always wanted to better myself.
So I guess I am a little harsh towards the people that think they are good enough.
I know you should accept the people you love for who they are, but at the same time, it’s hard to support someone partying five days a week. Standards may be an individual’s choice, but they can also cause inequality. As much as I may love you, you need to get your shit straight. Because at this point, you are not my equal. I know I shouldn’t be telling people how to live their lives, but it’s become a matter of respect. I don’t think I am good enough, but I am working so hard towards being someone who is worth something to the world.
And you?
I’ve lost respect for you.