I’m not sure what to think about this.
Or actually, maybe I’m kind of sure..Before I dated my boyfriend, I felt as if I had everything. Athletic & academic achievement, circles of friends, hilarious stories, and fun future plans. I was happy being myself and the good things I had in life. Afterwards, it was even better! Like an additional reason to get up in the morning just to spend time with all the blessings I had around me.
I guess college is what really changed my thoughts.
It wasn’t as if the relationship was making me unhappy, but as I learned to live on my own and walk towards true independence, I realized times were changing and good things weren’t always going to be the same kinds of good things. That maybe the happiness that depended on the relationship in high school wasn’t going to be enough when I started to find out more things about myself. I discovered that I was my own person, with my own life. It takes a lot of strength to walk life alone, but I think that you need that strength for yourself before you try and take on someone else’s problems. Each and every person needs to first learn to love themselves and find their own path to life before they push themselves on others. Or else it would all end in ruin.
I’ve said it a lot of times before, but I want to do this whole forever after thing right. Being around a lot of explosive and disastrous relationships made me think about all the problems that may have caused them: insecurity, immaturity, desperation, misguided purpose. I’ve seen many people fall apart due to their own lack of self-appreciation and self-identity. I’ve had friends tell me that they were depressed because they lacked warmth in their bed, that they needed a boyfriend to be happy. It conflicted me to see these loved ones that I respected, be so upset over not having a boyfriend when there was so many other things in life to enjoy. There wasn’t anything I could do for these people. I just know that personally, I hope to be the kind of person that would rather be sad over a lost dream or a broken friend, then the absence of puppy love.
I understand human need for companionship, but I also believe that in order to be happy with yourself and in your relationship you need to first walk your own path and have the strength to do it, alone.
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