insomniac.
I can’t sleep until you’re next to me…
I know it’s five in the morning, but I wasn’t planning to get any sleep after I hung up the phone. I am the type of person that thinks and thinks and reflects off every deep conversation I have, those are the ones that help me grow.
This last phone call? It was serious. It was deep. It was also ridiculously frustrating and depressing. It made me realize I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what kind of person I want. I don’t know what love is. I don’t know anything.
I thought it was the best thing in the world, to be in a relationship. But I’m finding out the hard way that’s it’s not. Boyfriends and girlfriends can’t be kept with just physical attraction and sex. They’re delicate and a huge time committment. They require sacrifice and unconditional love. They ask and ask and ask. They bitch. They get angry. They put limits on your life.
But who said relationships were without fault? Hours and hours of time commitment to talking and figuring things out and blaming each other, is it worth it? Is it worth the love you so desperately claim to have?
I even googled how you know you’re in love. It’s unconditional. You sacrifice anything you hold dear to make another happy. You support them no matter what. You show your true selves to them. You give them the space they need to find themselves and their own dreams. It’s unconditional.
Nine Ways to Tell if Your Love Is Real
You feel good. A good relationship makes you feel good about yourself.
You look forward to spending time with your partner. You don’t need to be with other people or go to events to avoid being alone together. You enjoy spending quality time together even when it’s quiet.
You respect your partner. You hear yourself bragging about your partner. You say things like: “My husband is a really talented singer-songwriter.” If you find that you’re always talking about yourself, you’re not focused on your partner or the relationship.
You’re interested in what your partner thinks. You ask your partner’s opinion about issues that are important to you. It’s OK if he or she disagrees with you.
You accept your partner’s quirks. Everyone has them. Even you! If your partner’s quirks are endearing or tolerable, you’re in good shape. If they really bother you, you should look more closely at the relationship.
You’re able to work through your problems. It’s natural to have some bumps in the relationship road to true bliss. People in healthy relationships see disagreements as a chance to learn more about their partner. However, if you’re creating problems, or if you think every fight is the “big one” leading to a breakup, you should probably rethink your relationship.
You feel safe. You’re not afraid of losing your partner.
You can’t explain why you’re together. Many people coordinate their lives so that they have to be together. But ask yourself if you’re together because you truly want to be. If the answer is “yes,” then you’ll probably stay together. If it’s “no,” you’re bound to have problems — if you haven’t already.
You don’t compare your partner to others. There will always be someone more beautiful, smarter or more athletic than your partner, but you don’t care because you only want to be with him or her.
Am I in love? I don’t know anymore.