Smile.
What a strange thought…
As I near the end of my first year of college, I have to say it came really quickly. But when I look back at these last painfully difficult and lonely months I can’t say I did all that I thought I was going to achieve.
Yeah, okay. I got a job. A good job. I joined a club team. A club team that I love by the way. I made plenty of friends. What do those things really matter if you can’t tell if they are genuine or not? I feel like I didn’t get enough socially from college. But I might be asking too much…I’m not really looking to party every other day, but going to class alone and coming home from school alone gets incredibly lonely at times. Then again, I restricted myself by deciding to not go into my freshman year single.
It shouldn’t really be a huge difference right? But somehow, I feel as if I would have definitely been more free if I had not had this boy attached to me. At this moment, I regret it a little. I should have stopped it while I could. That was a little too harsh - I’m not unhappy, but I feel as if I imprisoned my own free will and set myself up for a lot of disappointment.
It’s not easy to get into Berkeley, or so I hear. I wouldn’t be able to tell, I truly think I got in with my essay because I am a million times less qualified than all of the geniuses I go to school with. I guess I should have expected it to be impossible for someone to try and get in for my sake. I guess I should have expected that it wouldn’t happen.
Amidst forty thousand people, school still gets lonely at times. I don’t think a lot of people understand why this school stands above the rest. I don’t think a lot of people understand that it’s not just the multitudes of Asians and hours of studying that make up Berkeley. No. It’s the fact that we would kill each other to gain a higher ranking. The fact that we need to compete with each other for everything from bathrooms to sports teams. Want to know a secret? Don’t have your life fuck up around midterm and final season. Nobody will help you. Not here, not ever.
I guess Berkeley is hard to get into, because it’s a school based on survival of the fittest. I remember sighing when I got my acceptance letter. I smiled when I bought my first Cal sweater and I laughed while onstage for my graduation.
Smile? What a strange thought.
A Smile for my 916th Follower, lauurrreeeen