Sometimes, I really just want to murder my boyfriend.
Why is it that all of my closest, most intimate relationships become the most warped. It’s as if the more I love a person, the more I grow to hate their flaws and insecurities. Mind you, I am a terrible example for a girlfriend, best friend, person in general. But I try to be a good person, being sensitive and careful with what I think and say just isn’t a trait that runs through my blood. Like many of the common attributes I seem to lack, “logic” doesn’t make sense to me. I’m fucking abnormal and my wacky relationships are an obvious result.
I want to dump you, you stupid doofus.
Except there’s that nagging feeling in the back of my head that doesn’t let me say it out loud. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried all those times of frustration and anger. I’ve typed it so many times through fights. LET’S BREAK UP. I’M DUMPING YOU. GO AWAY FOR GOOD. But it never happens, I don’t go through with it. God damn this dependency on a significant other’s adoration. God damn the attachment. God damn this bullshit called love. You haven’t cheated or anything, but sometimes you’re just too fucking ridiculous. Maybe I haven’t cut the cord yet (or have I?), but I have a feeling when and if I do, I won’t look back. Because I don’t need a dick to make me happy. Fuck you, I’m bisexual. And as angry and tormented as I am, I am still glad to know:
That I would always be strong enough to fight for what I believe in, with or without anybody’s approval.
the cycle of love :)