who wouldn’t love this guy?
Sometimes I don’t understand why I didn’t so sooner, but if you really think about the circumstances - there wasn’t really a choice. I regret it a little, occasionally a lot. If I had liked him sooner and got him sooner, things I think about now wouldn’t hurt so much. And they hurt a lot. I get bothered so often now, I can’t tell if it’s the hormones, my period, or stress? I am not sure, but when I think about what happened I feel hopeless and sad. Like something important was taken from me. Like I was the only one to sacrifice something.
When I look back on pictures, I feel happy. But at the same time, if they’re not pictures of my memories, it rips me apart. Why did you do it? And why was it twice? I feel like I will be bothered by these things for the rest of my life. There’s no way out of feeling like I’m only second best.
I always feel as if I’m not good enough.
I was happy. I can tell from looking at my photos…But I also know my unchanging habit of keeping things so locked up inside me, even I can’t understand or bring them out.
I love you.