Alton Sterling

From the words of my good friend and yoga teacher, Michael Chang, because I couldn’t have said it any better.

“I’m so tired. I’m so tired of feeling like the world’s taking one tiny step forward, two giant leaps back.

I’m exhausted reading the same headlines - different names, same stories. Police officers that escalate rather than de-escalate, officers that shoot before they ask, kill before they think. Officers with zero regard for the lives of brown and black bodies.

Mainstream media digging up any and all stories of his past. He was a thug, he deserved it. He has a criminal history, he deserved it. He should have followed orders. He should haven’t broken the law.

As if the sentence for selling CD’s is death by firing squad. As if the sentence for selling loose cigarettes is death.

Waving a toy gun.
Or loudly listening to music.
Or wearing a hoodie.

When the true crime lies with the excessive force used by those meant to protect and serve. When the true crime lies in our broken justice system that throws black and brown bodies into a privatized prison system that literally profits off their bodies.

Lies within our political inability to reform these broken institutions that lead from broken schools to broken jails. Lies with our inability to diversify media representations so that the first mental image of a black body is not that of a thug. Lies in our desensitization to this constant cycle of racial injustice — that our attention moves away as quickly as it came.

Activists organize. Protests ensue. Hashtags abound.

And of course, if there’s even an indictment, no conviction.

Rinse. Repeat.

It’s become such a predictable pattern. #AltonSterling is the 114th black man to be murdered by the police in 2016. Why does this keep happening?

Just like the Orlando shooting was an appalling reminder to the LGBT community that the progress we’ve made in the past few years does not equate to full humanity, this murder was a reminder of how unsafe this country continues to be for many black people. Is 2016 really much better than 1956?

I’m angered by the injustice, maddened by the desensitization, and saddened by the deafening silence (or worse, ignorant defensiveness) of some friends. And mostly, I’m afraid for many of my friends who have to live through every day knowing that their lives are devalued.

I remember the desolation I felt the week after Orlando — to know that even a supposed safe space for me could easily be tarnished. I can only imagine how this feeling is and has (always) been amplified for my black and brown friends.

We celebrated 4th of July a few days ago. Land of the free, home of the brave, right?

Freedom should not be conditional on the color of your skin, or the size of your wallet, or the gender of your partner.

Bravery is not willfully avoiding this issue because you can scroll past this devastating headline simply because you have the privilege to do so or because confronting the enormity of this issue makes you uncomfortable.”

Lessons from Blink

By Malcolm Gladwell

First impressions tell you more than you think they do, you can tell just as much from the first 2 minutes or from 15 minutes of a conversation. You brain, your subconscious picks up signs before your intelligence and your analysis do. 

Like in all human-human interaction, you make preconceptions about people and pick up on their vibes and feelings - they usually end up correct, but sometimes our judgement is clouded by stereotypes. Which is why you can find out more about a person by looking at their room, than you do just by meeting or looking at them. For example, the ‘dumb jock’ is a huge stereotype we all still struggle with today. 

It also means that you should be honest and yourself at job interviews - people pick up on little signs even if they don’t know it. 

Biggest indicators of a relationship that will fail in the next 15 years is: contempt. Contempt is unisex. Women tend to criticize and men tend to stonewall, but contempt - when you put someone below you - happens across the board. Couples and people who refused to mollify and make positive reactions, didn’t last in their relationships.

We need to accept mysterious nature of snap judgements, knowing without knowing why you know.

This is why experts and snap judgements are sometimes better than statistical evidence and studies. 

Speed dating has its merits based on these snap judgements - people can have a list of characteristics of their ideal mate, but in reality are attracted to characteristics they didn’t realize. People couldn’t consciously state why the partners they liked didn’t match their lists. 

But occasionally, our brains work against us. Warren Harding looked like a president and looked the part of an attractive politician, but didn’t have the credentials and was arguably the worst president of our history. It proves that everyone has subconscious bias that tends to associate negative connotations with race, whether we like it or not. 

Balance both intuitive and deliberate decision making. 

“Effective leaders make decisions with the best possible knowledge, they don’t drown in the data – they make choices based on fundamentals being correct” - JLMesser

Facial expressions can provide insight into your subconscious. 

Being honest is important.