I woke up really upset today.
My day was not bad or anything, but I just felt sick and gross all day. My parents wanted to go all the way to Milpitas to eat lunch, but honestly, I hate Milpitas. The food at the new dumpling shop we tried was disgusting and I really hate the people there - they seem dirty and rude. But I suppose my bias is also because of a certain someone that will forever be on my death list. Die, please.
Sorry, getting off topic.
I find myself contemplating a lot. About whether I am content with my life and the people I have chosen to keep in it. (My period is due next week, I wonder if that has anything to do with all this thinking recently..) I wish I knew which people were the keepers and which ones were garbage, it’d make things a lot easier for everyone and save the world a lot of heartbreak. But I reckon the biggest goal for humanity is understanding. With understanding, comes acceptance for everyone, whether they are garbage or not. I know this sounds cheesy - especially since some futuristic robot movie gave me the idea - but if everyone could understand each other and where they came from, drama and wars probably would not exist. Learning about another person’s past and feeling both sympathy and empathy for them really sets the stage for mutual understanding and peace.
I want peace. I really do. Peace with myself. Peace with my relationships and the people I’ve chosen to keep. Peace with my life. I just want to be able to wake up and know that I am happy and I am flawed and that’s okay. I want to know that the people I hold close to me will not prove otherwise. They won’t be liars or cheats or backstabbers. I didn’t think that was so much to ask. If only people came with caution labels..But if course, life can not be simple.
Peace, it seems, isn’t that easy to come by. And neither is trust or love after you’ve been so cruelly wronged. Understanding.. Feels almost impossible.
I really should leave.