02/14
Valentine’s Day.
Once I had heard it was a fake holiday invented by Hallmark and card companies, I never really enjoyed the fourteenth of February that much. The last few years I spent giving cards and maybe chocolates to my few precious friends, even the occasional three-wheeling date with nicole and cameron. Ironically, last year I went with nicole and cameron to Elephant Bar. That night, I got my bike stolen. It was a bittersweet day.
But this year was different.
I think this was the first Valentine’s I spent alone with someone. This was also the first Valentine’s where I got up early; thanks for the rose and the chocolates. The card was very sweet too. We went on an adventure through San Francisco, and it was like visiting the places we always said we would go. Golden gate park to revisit our stage we found with Jun and Emi. Ocean Beach to be back in the sand. Dinner at House of Prime Rib :). Shopping at Westfield. Gran Torino at the Metreon. In N Out afterwards. I was happy (happier than usual, I mean). But, because of that date, I might have fallen even deeper into confusion than before. I think about it every night, and I continue to forfeit sleep to ponder.
What happened, exactly?
I am not really sure. Somewhere along the way, my heart changed directions. Since when? I wonder how long ago did things start becoming different. It baffles me - I do not know what to think. I told myself I was going to get over it. I told myself it would just blow over.
But it didn’t.
In fact, I’ve fallen so deep I can’t get out anymore. And all these insecurities I have just harbor in the back of my mind, waiting for me to make or break myself. I don’t know where I stand - I don’t know how serious this is.
Why did you say ‘yours’?
Why did you do that to me?
Say something.
Because I think I want to tell you something too.
