i’ve found my favourite
WELL SHIT
THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE
Just cause there’s so many feelings..
I have endless amounts of patience for my third graders and children.
..And absolutely none for adults.
There’s a time and a place for you to mature the fuck up: now. But I’ll let this one go because you obviously have some demons you’re sleeping with - you should go and LOVE YOURSELF.
Hoe.
For some reason, I think I’m nocturnal when it comes to cleaning. Like an owl, I somehow get incredibly energized when I start organizing and packing at night.
Tonight, for example, I went out for dinner with my parents and had a girls’ chat over dessert. I got back at 1240am and was pretty sleepy, but I started thinking about things I needed to move to my new apartment tomorrow and two hours later, here I am reminiscing over old photos, yearbooks, and albums. (Overly nostalgic to the point I probably woke up all my high school friends with my spitfire texts.)
I found my Harry Potter set, all my track and x-country awards, and my high school diploma - phew! My RPG game walkthrough guides. My roller blades. But what I valued the most were the photos and albums. Being able to see photos from my teenage years is very important to me.
I guess my mom was the one that used to take all the photos of us, because whenever I look through albums, there’s a large chunk missing from when I was 7 to when I was 12. Basically, nobody was really there to document my childhood from my parents’ divorce and my mother’s departure until I was old enough to have a camera of my own (or friends with cameras). Although that does sadden me a bit, that I am missing a large chunk of my childhood, I do see how that must’ve shaped the way I photograph so often now. I am grateful that I have found an appreciation for photos and for journaling things down because these are times we will never get back.
Please be clear I’m not saying this to feel sorry for myself, but if I could change one thing for when I parent my own children, I want to make sure I take millions and millions of photos of them growing up. It just happens so fast. If only I had a few more photos of Fat Derek..
There was this girl in high school that took photos all the time. She was permanently attached to her camera and probably averaged at least 5000 photos a year. It was occasionally annoying and we teased her about it sometimes, but I am very grateful she was there through our high school career. She provided proof of our simpler times and wonderful memories. She documented our adventures and gave us an outlet to look fondly back on. She photographed proof that we lived. And for that, I am grateful for the hundreds and hundreds of photos she took.
Nostalgia is a powerful thing. Just one look down memory lane and I can feel myself missing high school all over again.
It’s time to grow up, but remembering where you come from is important too.
Japan?
James Dean & Liv Tyler Times
Why didn’t I connect people before?
I guess I never consciously realized it but I somehow got to thinking that groups of friends wouldn’t get along with my other random groups of friends.
I’m discovering lately that that is a silly notion. I’ve been connecting many women and men from all walks of life and not once has it backfired. Everyone seems to find something they connect to in the other people - and that something must be what attracted me to all these wonderful people in the first place.
So why wouldn’t they like each other?
Of course they’d like each other. They don’t have to be best friends or anything, I just want to be able to give the opportunities of meeting new people that are so often given to me.
I’ve never really had a group of usually friends. I was generally a part of many different friend circles. It hadn’t occurred to me until recently, the benefits of tying all my favorite people from these friend circles together.
Relationships are much more organic when you meet through your friends’ friends.
Working towards that 2016 resolution.
Oh, and I had a wonderful day at Squaw today. My good friend and I got our S'es down pat. We just have to work on speed and more difficult terrain.
Best day.
//haedid//
A giant map for the wall would remind me to travel more often and how much I love the world.
I’m making moves this year.
Decided to take an awesome deal of an apartment this week and I just got a mic for my podcast with the Amazon gift card given by the families from the school I teach at.
I was also offered a new job around the same time and I think I’m going to take that as well and prepare for law school. There’s so many things I want to do. Take classes, start a podcast, go biking, hiking.
Excited to make a life for my own.
Growing up.
Sometimes having a few small talks can really help with getting communication that would otherwise be nonexistent into a relationship.
Today was the tipping point of small talks with me and my mom. We were able to clear up a lot of things with our one small talk, but it took a few years of being cordial to get to this point. I always imagined the most productive conversations were the ones that put everything on the table at once and resolved by the end.
That method hadn’t worked for me when I was dealing with my parents.
I supposed when you hit a wall, instead of banging your head against it in the same manner, backing up and taking a different approach could prove to bring results.
When anger and hate doesn’t reach their ears, try love.
Basically had my first legal case today.
While it was extremely difficult for the most part, I found it to be enlightening and inspiring as well. It was probably the first time that I was able to stand toe to toe with traditional, stubborn, Asian parents, yet was able to still be heard. I got to fight and debate for my friend’s well-being and livelihood and it cemented my decision to take the LSAT this year and really put my all into learning more about political science and about the legal field.
We’re at the point in our lives where we realize that parents are not perfect beings. They are flawed, human. We are realizing where we ourselves stand on issues, our morals, and our beliefs. We’re discovering ourselves as people while struggling to spread our wings and fly from the mother nest. Sometimes, that means having to fight off our parents who want to clip our wings. Other times, it means coming to terms with immovable conflicting ideals and making the best of compromises.
Parents have raised us, and for that, we are forever grateful.
But at the same time, they are not perfect and do not always know what is best for us or what is at the end of the road we will walk down. They do not have control over our lives and cannot tell us which direction we should walk. They can, however, give us advice and push us in the right direction. We can choose to follow, forge our own paths, or crash and burn, growing all the same.
We’re all at that strange age where we have no idea what we are doing or where we are going. Figuring who we are and what we believe in while struggling to face reality and disillusionment. It’s the time to try new things and to take chances. It’s time to prepare for what is to come and to search for ourselves. It’s a time to decide on how the rest of our lives will go. Possibility. Rejection. Potential. Failure. Expectation. Reality. Hope. Change.
Growth.
That in itself, is so inspiring to me I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight. I want to be a good person. I want to be better. I want to do good, always.
I want to fight for what I believe in.
Jordan Burridge